Things are Elephant

There is an Elephant in the room,

There’s an Elephant in the room,

There, is the Elephant, in the room,

Their is an Elephant, in the room,

The Elephant in the room,

Things are Elephant.

So grammar ‘naaaziiiiis’ would want me to concern myself  and I with pronunciations, enunciations, spellings and such, what I need to do, is express correctly what I mean/or correctly express my feelings, or express my meanings, or correct my feelings and meanings, dang! What I mean to say, is that, there is a small matter of weight that I din’t want to acknowledge yet it won’t go away. There, I said it.

So I have let myself go, go all the way, I am heavier than I have ever been. I honestly didn’t notice until it was pointed out several times. “Kata Kitambi, umenenepa, umenona, naona mambo yako yanaenda poa, kata uzito” and such other comments that have forced me to introspect, am I in denial or is it that I am just out of fkuks? Ok, so I need to be healthy? Yes, I know, but why would it concern you if and whether I am healthy or not? Didn’t I get the same flak when I lost 15 Kilos overnight? didn’t you try to feed me nyamachoma and lots of alcohol because it wasn’t too good to loose too much weight that quickly? so now what do you want? what would be the ideal weight for you? Huh?

Yes! I know all about lifestyle illnesses because I studied public health for 4 years, I even wrote a paper about sedentary lifestyles and how lifestyle diseases will overtake HIV and other acute conditions. And maybe i’ll hit the gym, diet, jog, take up yoga and even get my one pack back to at least two packs (got to be realistic, six pack siwesmek) and all will be good, i’ll be energized and i’ll walk with shoulders high, renewed confidence and self worth, everybody will love  me, i’ll have the perfect body, and then what? I’ll get hit by a bus. Those Githurai 45 buses, and my obituary wont acknowledge how hard I worked to have a perfect body in-order to get higher ratings and ‘likes’ what a nonsense, Life is short, i’ll live and leave it well.

The Elephant has spoken and it says, I am not about to leave the room so, “jipe shughuli” I mean, keep your self busy, give yourself some task, because I own this room and there are so many other life defying things that are of more concern to me at this point in my life, more than a little ‘mafuta’  well it’s a big issue (pun intended) because a humongous amount of people are spending a huge amount of Brobdingnagian time on it.

Lipoatrophy, Lipodystrophy, perhaps these would present a more valid concern, you know, when fat has its own mind, it tells itself to migrate from one area of the body (face, legs, bum) and concentrate  itself in the most embarrassing of places (read mid section) and then the physician goes “ ….. it is a primary idiopathic atrophy of adipose tissue, a very rare disorder with no known etiology” how about that? Boogle that, me thinks that’s an Elephant issue right there, an emerging taboo topic, who wants to have a conversation about fat relocation and positioning and fat that has its own mind and such stuff? Mmmh! any who, I digress.

Where was I? Yes! On my honor, I promise that, i’ll do my best, to live a healthier lifestyle, to shun red meat, to exercise daily, and to Instagram my achievements…..Who am I kidding? I ain’t got no time for that, ill just do a hash tag and all will be well so here we go #FatFattyRants!

The grammar mistakes are mine, so bite me! it will take some weight off 😉 elephant

3 thoughts on “Things are Elephant

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